I have a cold ... But what kind?

In the Light

I have a cold.

I don’t know if it’s a head cold (with the possibility of it turning into a chest cold), a summer cold (not to be confused with a winter cold), or a migrating glob of yucky stuff cold (found mostly in Minnesota).

Maybe it's the “cold” that is confusing me.

Or maybe it’s the seasons.

See, there is no longer just one winter season.

There is Red Bud Winter, Dogwood Winter, and the yet-to-happen-but-much-anticipated Blackberry Winter.

Why blackberry? Why not strawberry or blueberry?

Why does it have to be a berry at all?

Why not a Peach Winter or a Pecan Winter?

Anyway … Is this a form of winter cold — though winter has been over for like eight weeks — or is it an early summer cold of some type?

There are, apparently, no such things as spring colds.

Those are allergies.

And if it’s a summer cold, is it an Indian Summer cold, or a Dog Days of Summer cold?

Ha, neither!

Those two forms of summer come around in August or September, or November, or any time actually since we no longer have true winter months.

True winter months are those months when there are 16 inches of snow on the ground and all the biting bugs that will haunt us this summer (any form of summer) die in the frozen ground.

Those kind of winters only happen in Minnesota and the Northeast.

I’m not trying to pick on Minnesota.

Also, there are no other fall seasons.

Just fall.

There is no Bugberry Fall, or Wilderbeast Fall.

There is the Fall Classic, which has nothing to do with the weather.

You cannot get fall colds.

Those are allergies as well.

While I’m on the subject of things that make you feel just plain rotten, there are two kinds of flu: The plain ole, “Man, I’m miserable flu,” and the stomach flu.

Well, there are also Avian Flu and Bird Flu and Swine Flu and Boisenberry Flu … But those fall under the “Man, I’m miserable flu.”

And having the flu is dangerous.

So, I’m not making fun of the flu.

Just in case you were wondering.

But there is no head flu, no summer flu, no chest flu.

Why is that?

And why isn’t there a Bugberry Fall?

What’s the point of having different “seasons” for winter and summer if spring and fall are excluded?

It’s unfair.

But just so you know, the only time these thoughts cross my mind is when I have a cold.

It keeps me awake at night trying to figure out what kind of cold I have.