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Because we all love pumpkin spice whatever

I bought my first pumpkin roll of the fall.

That used to be a big deal, but not so much anymore.

Somewhere around the first of August a flurry of pumpkin spice flavored foodstuffs and drinks started popping up in stores.

And you can no longer get away with claiming that Pumpkin Spice is a member of a British all-woman band.

It’s a flavor.

But I think we’re getting carried away.

I mean, pumpkin spice flavored Spam?


Sometimes I get the feeling the great marketing geniuses in the United States of America have taken a good thing too far.

I mean, I like pumpkin rolls.

Who doesn’t?

Several years ago I went to brunch at one of those trendy, hip, uber-cool eateries that pop up and stay open for about four weeks — only to be replaced by another trendier, hipper, even more uber-cool eatery which stays open for about four weeks — only to be replaced by …

Okay, you get the point.

Anyway, when I had brunch at the first version of the trendy, hip, uber-cool eatery I had pumpkin spice flavored grits.

Along with something that was supposed to be an omelet.

The omelet had grass in it.

Or weeds.

It was kinda hard to tell.

The pumpkin spice flavored grits were orange.

That’s about as near to pumpkin as they came.

They looked really neat, though.

They were served in a pumpkin shape. You know, like a jack-o-lantern.

A little pumpkinny smile and everything.

They were on the plate next to the prairie grass omelet.

The pumpkin spice flavored grits actually made the omelet taste pretty good.

I had a bite of each, then decided I wasn’t trendy, hip, or uber-cool enough to enjoy such a fine brunch.

So I booked it to Cracker Barrel.

Maybe a trendy, hip, uber-cool eatery isn’t the right place to be looking for pumpkin spice flavored food.

Maybe a pumpkin roll is enough.

But, if you really want that pumpkin spice treat, here’s a recipe that will delight taste buds the world over.

First, get a can of the pumpkin spice flavored Spam.

Come on, you know you want to.

Okay, slice the Spam however thick you want it.

Fry it.

Or better yet, if you want to be super cool-like, fry in an air fryer.

Even if you don’t fry it an air fryer, say you did.

Then folks will say such witty things as, “Ooooh,” and “Aaaah,” when you serve it to them.

Then ladle on some caramelized onions (also super cool) and some kind of honey Dijon siracha pepper (or ghost pepper — whichever one is trending that week) sauce and top it with a fried egg.

Everything has a fried egg on it now.

Even oatmeal.

I hear the latest ever-so-trendy, never-been-hipper, and uber-coolest eateries are serving pumpkin spice grits with a fried egg on top.

The egg, of course, comes from a free-range chicken named Ernestine.

From Wyoming.

Or maybe it was Montana.

Whichever place is trending.

Put that on a brioche bun (or Hawaiiian bread roll) and enjoy!

If you really want your new sandwich to be the talk of the culinary world, hope and pray that a Kardashian will “accidently” tweet something about it.